Projects and Observations
In addition to raising plants, the Texas Triffid Ranch also offers
tips, projects, and general observations on plantkeeping and associated
bits of fun. Most of the day-to-day news and discussion
happen at
the Texas
Triffid Ranch LiveJournal,
but particularly involved or detailed projects show up here as well.
This space will also include reports on field trips, botany
and
horticulture-related events, and photos from recently attended shows
and conferences.
Gothic
Gardening columns
Starting in 2009, Gothic Beauty
magazine began running a series of columns on unorthodox gardening
techniques and suggestions. These columns appear here in
their original form. Columns
updated when a new issue of the print magazine appears.
Column the first: "Getting The Lay of the
Land"
"Just for a second,
think about the
two words "gothic gardening." Just for a
second. Did you get images of an overgrown cemetery or
abandoned
park, festooned with creepers and dead branches? Do you have
images of an herb garden where everything therein is medicinal or
poisonous? How about antique Wardian cases full of ferns,
club
mosses, and other antediluvian remnants of past life? A pond
overrun with water lilies amidst a half-sunken fountain?
Statuary
and gravestones? Topiaries? A greenhouse full of orchids and
Borneo pitcher plants? Roses? Lilies?
Angel trumpets
and moonflowers? Nightshade and privet, or Venus flytraps and
butterworts? Stark white marble ground cover to reflect the
full
moon, or narrow pathways between pumpkin patches and rosemary bushes?" MORE
"Now, I could tell you
exactly
how to keep your Venus flytrap alive and healthy, just like the one I
have in my greenhouse that’s been thriving for the last four
years. It
doesn't take any special care, and anybody can do it with a
basic
understanding of what a flytrap needs for survival. Instead,
I’m going
to give a good thumbnail guide on precisely how to kill your flytrap,
and kill every other flytrap you come across. This way, not only do you
know what not to do, but also you can take that same knowledge and
apply it to other carnivores." MORE
"Starting with the most difficult
first, I'm lucky to live in
an area where it's possible to grow citrus trees outside for most of
the year,
only having to bring them inside or otherwise shelter them for maybe
one to two
weeks out of the year. Many, such as grapefruit (Citrus
paradisi
), are
sufficiently cold-tolerant to handle being
outdoors for the entire year so long as they're protected from the
winter north
winds. My personal favorite, though, is a more delicate variety known
as the
Buddha's Hand citron (Citrus medica var.
sarcodactylis
).
The Buddha's Hand is a handsome citrus tree, with
deep, dark shiny leaves and white-purple blooms in spring with a very
strong,
intoxicating scent. The blossoms are edible, with a delicate tang that
makes
them suitable for a garnish for many dishes, but the real draw is for
their
unique fruit." MORE
Column the fourth
"The Bugs You Don't Expect"
"The one set of regular travelers that are always welcome in
my garden, though, are the ones that most gardeners try to drive off. Even the
biggest advocates of organic gardening grab a swatter or a spray can when they
see one of these, and they go berserk with rolled-up papers and brooms in
pointless attempts to drive them away. Even mosquitoes only warrant repellent
when their presence becomes too extreme, but any grocery store or garden shop
has can after can of spray intended for my visitors, all promising to kill them
dead from as much as 30 feet away. Not only is this an irrational response to
one of the best beneficial organisms you can get in your garden, but it's
almost completely without merit. I'm talking about wasps." MORE
Projects & Observations
"Because you can't be
serious all the time."
MORE
"Back in 2007,
horticulturalist and indoor plant specialist Bob Hyland
offered instructions for converting a standard 2-liter soda bottle into
a sub-irrigation planter he called a Volksplanter.
While his design was very ingenious, I needed to do a few
modifications to optimize its use for carnivorous plants. I
jokingly
called it a "ProletariPot" as an inside gag dedicated to the British
comedian Alexei Sayle, and the ProletariPot has proven itself to be an
excellent replacement for standard plastic pots." MORE
"Were I the sort to
judge based solely on the covers, Timber Press would
have been the girl next door who stopped by after lunch.
Tall,
pretty without being overly focused solely on looks, and able to run
rings in conversation around a room full of Ph.Ds. In other
words, just like the woman I married. Strangely, while she
says
that she doesn't have any problems with the other person in my life,
she sometimes lingers over the horticulture section of my library, and
I can't tell if she's glaring in silent jealousy or contemplating an
attempt at stealing my mistress from me. Sometimes, I suspect it's
both." MORE
"Several friends of mine
have
cut out all but vegetative-based foods from their diets, either for
ethical or medical concerns, and they also have concerns with feeding
live or dead animals to any plants they might purchase in the future.
Others have worries about prey animals getting loose in the
house.
Still others just don't want to have to feed their plants if
the
plants aren't able to catch prey on their own. All of these
are
perfectly valid and reasonable objections, and absolutely none of them
prevent dedicated vegans from keeping carnivorous plants.
It's just a
matter of selection." MORE
"The problem is that
many books on carnivores are written for
the typical fifth-grader working on a report for class back around
1963, not for serious enthusiasts wanting more than a sensationalist
view of Venus flytraps. Of the others, I've come across
painfully inaccurate and potentially catastrophic tips (my personal
favorite was the suggestion that minerals could be removed from tap
water by boiling it, which is a really good way of killing a pitcher
plant or butterwort), obsolete or outdated species descriptions, and
growing tips written by individuals whom I suspect might have seen a
picture of a flytrap one time about a decade ago. Even so, I
still have six books that I use for reference on a constant basis, and
if I can't replace one, it doesn't get lent to others." MORE
"The quality of sphagnum
moss can be checked by making sure that a bag or bundle specifically
reads "PURE SPHAGNUM MOSS" and
smelling the bag or bundle, as contaminated sphagnum moss tends to
smell like old manure. Even salt-soaked coir can be used if
it's
soaked and rinsed with rainwater, and then drained and dried.
But how
often does anyone check the quality of the sand they're
using?" MORE
"Allison's citrons
definitely qualified as Cthulhufruit, as they looked
as if they were about to jump off her blouse and attack passersby like
the facehuggers in the film Alien,
and suggested a "How To Protect Yourself From An Assailant Armed With A
Piece of Fresh Fruit" defense course as taught by the United Nations
Intelligence Taskforce instead of the Monty Python troupe. At
that
point, I knew I had
to get one." MORE
"The human eye is an
exquisite
sensory organ, the culmination of
approximately 600 million years of evolution. It can register
a
wide
range of color wavelengths, it can be used for closeup and
long-distance viewing with a minimum amount of adjustment (just try to
use a magnifying glass for a telescope in a matter of seconds),
and it can adjust to both bright light and near-darkness with equal
alacrity. That's, of course, the problem: because the eye's
evolution
was dictated by its need for such rapid adjustment, what seems to be
adequate illumination for navigation or even reading isn't the same as
what's necessary to keep a plant alive." MORE
"By definition, the main
appeal of carnivorous plants lay in their
ability to reverse the standard arrangement of who eats whom.
Sadly,
while serious enthusiasts can appreciate the fluting grace of
a Sarracenia leucophylla
trap or the dropping allure of its blossoms, all most people care about
is that the plant catches and digests insects and other prey. That's a
start, but this is only one of the merits of raising carnivores. This
aspect is also what gets most of them killed." MORE
"As I write this, I have
a carnivore terrarium on my desk: it's a
little two-liter glass cookie jar with an adjacent 23-watt compact
fluorescent they light. That light won't produce enough light for a lot
of
carnivores (Venus flytraps, for instance, usually request more light),
but little D. adelae
thrives on it. You know it's happy when its tentacles turn red and each
one has a nice fat glob of mucilage on the end: that mucilage requires
a lot of energy to produce, so it's a great indicator of light levels
in the terrarium. In fact, adelae doesn't much like direct sun, and it
tends to die back if it gets too much light." MORE
"Right about the end of
October, anyone who's purchased a pitcher plant or flytrap for
Halloween is coming to a sad
realization: they won't be able to enjoy their plants'
company
for too much longer. (Well, that's if the purchaser lives in
the
Northern Hemisphere. Australian, Argentine, and Aotearoan
carnivorous plant enthusiasts are seeing their plants first bloom
around then, but then they'll have the same disappointment in April.)
That display of color and form is a last gasp for the season,
an
attempt to capture a few last insects before going dormant." MORE
"Many better writers
than I have made
fun of the inadequacies and creative embellishments found in seed
catalogs and on seed packets. At the Triffid Ranch, I often
laugh
at the catalogs that sell Venus flytrap and pitcher plant seed as if
they can be planted in the garden alongside the lettuce and
carrots. Likewise, the last time I saw anyone selling saguaro
cactus seeds for "easy" propagation of a plant that needs twenty years
to grow to a meter in height, I laughed so hard that milk came out my
nose. This was especially entertaining because I was drinking Pepsi Max
at the time. Some people's definition of "easy" is another's
of
"wanting to hang the copywriter by his/her ankles from a tree branch,
get a few cricket bats, and play Viking Piñata for a few
hours." And then you have the minor aggravations, such as the
missing step in raising luffa squash." MORE
"For those outside of
the
carnivorous plant
nursery trade, "cubes" refer to the prepackaged carnivores sold in
hardware and home improvement stores' garden sections. The
name
comes from one particular supplier of carnivores that uses clear
plastic boxes to ship and display its plants, usually with three
varieties of carnivore with diametrically opposed growing conditions
all jammed into the same space. The boxes are an absolutely
brilliant way to ship pitcher plants and sundews with a minimum of
wasted packing space. Unfortunately, they're not a good
permanent
living solution." MORE
"Interested bystanders
considering
moving into bonsai have multiple reasons to be dissuaded from giving
the art a chance. Many, particularly Americans, are put
off
by the amount of time necessary with many tree species for initial
training. Others don't feel comfortable with risking a
valuable scion or yamadori to a design that might kill the
tree.
Still others feel intimidated by the techniques themselves, and wish
for easier starter plants for practice before risking a pomegranate or
Wollemi pine to shaping and cutting. In recent years, herbal
alternatives to standard trees, particularly using rosemary and other
woody shrub herbs, have achieved a popularity of their own, and an
intriguing alternative is the Capsicum group of
peppers." MORE
Observations: "Bless Your
Heart: The Carnivorous Creations Story"
"While variations appear
under
different brand names (for instance, the
Toys ‘R’ Us chain sells a setup with drastically
different
packaging,
the sets are essentially the same. Each one
features a
high-domed
terrarium with heavily-Photoshopped clusters of various carnivores, and
the claims 'Grow Over 10 Varieties of Carnivorous Plants!' and
'Actually Eats Insects', or some variation thereof, appear on the box
in bright, lively text. The kit itself includes a terrarium
base
and growing dome', a bag of sphagnum moss/sand potting medium,
a
packet of
carnivorous plant seeds, a small bag of blue gravel, three 'bog buddy'
plastic reptile and amphibian replicas, stickers to go on the outside
of the terrarium base, and an instruction guide. Technically,
it’s
possible to grow a collection of carnivores from this kit, if you
follow the instructions to the letter, and keep them alive for
years." MORE
